


It's All In Your Mind

by Raven_Rissa95



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, M/M, POV Katsuki Yuuri, Panic Attacks, Rostelecom Cup, Supportive Victor Nikiforov, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26875240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_Rissa95/pseuds/Raven_Rissa95
Summary: Yuri is a talented skater, but his anxiety sometimes gets the better of him. In the middle of the night, before the Rostelecom Cup, the pressure begins to pile on top of him, and he crumbles from the inside out. Doubting his ability to keep hold of Victor as his coach and progress to the Grand Prix Finals in Barcelona, Yuri panics, and Victor is needed to defuse the situation before Yuri breaks down completely.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri & Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 2
Kudos: 90





	It's All In Your Mind

Yuri sat on the window seat of the hotel room he and Victor shared, staring out at the colourful city lights beneath the ink-black sky, legs curled up against his chest. Victor lay fast asleep in his bed nearby, gently snoring, his silver hair sprawled across his face and the pillow.

 _We need to get to bed early tonight, Yuri_ , he had told him. _We have a big day tomorrow. Get some sleep._

Yuri had tried. He laid in bed long after Victor had drifted off to sleep, staring up at the ceiling, mind wide awake and buzzing with thoughts. So, he had plopped himself in front of the window, watching the night, hoping that the pretty scene before him would soothe the nerves that made his hairs stand up on end like a breeze on a chilly day. Resting his head against the cold glass, he closed his eyes in the hope that he could picture his victory into the Grand Prix Final in Barcelona by placing high enough in the Rostelecom Cup.

_I need to at least place third_ , _otherwise I won’t make it to the Grand Prix Final._ His heart clenched at the thought. _What will Victor do if I don’t? Will he stop being my coach?_ His hands resting on his knees began to tremble at the thought. He shoved them under his armpits and opened his eyes to watch the city lights again. _He’s going to leave me, isn’t he? It’s only a matter of time. I’ll mess up, like last year. It’ll all be over tomorrow._ His breath quickened, fogging up the window. His hands rushed to his head as his heart raced, sending anxious shivers all over his body. _I may never see him again_. _I’ll have wasted his time and my only chance at victory_.

His breath shook as his vision darkened, the room beginning to blur. He curled in on himself, pressing up against the window, the walls appearing to close in around him, squeezing the air from his lungs. His fingers clutched at tufts of his black hair. _I can’t do this. I can’t do it. I can’t._

“Yuri?” said a voice distantly. He could barely hear it over his heartbeat thundering in his ears. Yuri squeezed his eyes shut again as they stung with tears, only to see visions of his past mistakes whizz past his eyes. All the failed jumps, the falls, the mistakes. His failure the previous year. The other skaters with their beautiful routines who could perform far better than he ever could. His entire body trembled, the pressure seeping its way into his being, causing him to crumble from the inside out.

_You’ll suffer a miserable defeat in Moscow,_ Yurio had told him, _and Victor’s going to stay in Russia with me._

“Yuri,” said the voice again, louder this time. “Open your eyes.”

Hesitantly, Yuri pried them open, hot tears spilling over his cheeks. Victor sat perched on the window seat in front of him, his silver hair messy with sleep, a fluffy white robe tied around him. Yuri blinked several times to focus his vision, but it was cloudy and wobbly. Victor swam in and out of focus, and Yuri whimpered.

A firm hand clasped itself around his arm, momentarily jerking him out of his head. Victor came clear into view, his eyes frowning. “What’s happening, Yuri?” he asked.

Yuri’s voice broke as he spoke between ragged breaths. “I-I…can’t…d-do this. I-I’m a…failure.”

“Why would you say that?” asked Victor. “You’ve come so far already! Tomorrow you’re going to go even further and be one step closer to winning that gold for me.”

Flashes of more failures blocked Yuri’s vision. “W-What happens…if I-I…if I l-lose?” he asked. “I-If I can’t…d-do this?”

Victor sighed, watching him with soft eyes. “Breathe, Yuri. You’re going to pass out in a minute from how much oxygen you’re breathing in.”

Yuri tucked his head between his knees. “I-I’m…going to make…y-you look b-bad and…y-you’ll leave m-me and—”

Victor grabbed Yuri’s ankles and yanked them towards him, straightening his legs. Yuri yelped as Victor darted forward, placing both hands on his cheeks, forcing his head up so their eyes met. Yuri couldn't look at anything other than Victor’s icy blue eyes that gripped hold of him just as tightly as his hands. “Breathe, Yuri,” he told him again. “I am your coach, remember? You have to do as I say. So, breathe, _slowly_.” Victor’s hands moved from Yuri’s face, sliding down to his shoulders and along his arms. He took hold of Yuri’s hands, pulling them down from his head, and laced their fingers together. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Yuri did as he was told, focusing on his breathing. He slowed it down, and eventually his vision started to clear, the hotel room returning to normal. He squeezed Victor’s hands as his body still shook slightly. “I’m afraid, Victor,” he whispered.

Victor tilted his head to the side, like a puppy. “Why is that?”

One of Yuri’s hands ripped out of Victor’s, clamping over his mouth to stifle a sob. Victor stood, and Yuri sobbed harder, thinking he saw Victor turn to walk away. He gasped when a pair of arms wound around his waist from behind, and two legs squeezed themselves either side of him on the window seat.

“Skaters talk to their coaches about what’s bothering them,” said Victor. “So, tell me, Yuri, what are you afraid of?”

The embrace startled Yuri for a moment, like a deer in headlights, leaving him unsure of how to react. It was warm and inviting, Victor's arms strong and comforting, and his legs encased him in a safe cocoon. He fell back against Victor as he placed his chin on Yuri’s shoulder. “I don’t want to let you down,” he said. “I can’t fail again. Not this time.”

Victor sighed again. “You’ve been doing so well, Yuri. In practise, you’ve nailed the routines for tomorrow. Yes, you fail a few jumps at times, but we’ve modified the routines accordingly. You have nothing to worry about.”

Yuri shook his head. “Yes, I do.” This made Victor pause, tilting his chin on Yuri’s shoulder inquisitively. “My actions reflect on you. It’ll not only made me look bad when I lose. It’ll make you look bad too—”

Victor’s hand suddenly grasped hold of Yuri’s chin, turning it for him to look directly into Victor’s eyes again. “What did you say?”

Yuri blinked. “I-I…”

“You said _when_ you lose. Are you planning to lose?”

Yuri’s lips parted, but no words left him. He stared into Victor’s eyes, now hard and stern. “I-I…I don’t… No, of course not…”

“If you go into something with a negative mindset, you will lose,” Victor told him. “You will sabotage your own chances. Think like a loser and you will be a loser.”

Yuri’s bottom lip wobbled. “T-Then I’m a loser,” he said, before bursting into tears.

Victor jerked back. Clearly that was not the reaction he was expecting, his brows knitting into a frown again. He pressed their heads together, wrapping his arms tightly around Yuri once again. “That was not what I meant,” he said softly. “Your negative thinking holds you back, Yuri. You let yourself down with this mindset. Not me. You could never let _me_ down.”

“B-But I will if I lose,” said Yuri, curling up again. “I’ll be the worst mistake you’ve ever made. Everyone will hate me because I was the skater who took Victor Nikiforov away from skating, only to lose before the Grand Prix Final. You’ll have made a fool of yourself for taking a break to coach a loser.”

Victor gave him a squeeze as he sniffled. “Yuri, do you know why I decided to coach you this year?” he asked.

Yuri shook his head. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and looked up at Victor curiously.

“I saw your performance of my free skate program, _Stay Close to Me,_ online. I didn’t want to coach you out of pity or to make myself look good. I saw you perform and thought, _'_ _Why did this man not reach the finals with me?'_ Outside of the competition, your skating was beautiful. You captured every move of mine perfectly. I thought, _'He has so much talent,'_ and you do.” He pulled Yuri tighter against his chest, resting his head on top of Yuri’s. “You have what it takes. You have the skill and the talent and years of experience in competitions. What you lack is the right mindset. Your mind holds you back, Yuri. Can’t you see?” Yuri shook his head again. “When you were skating back in Hasetsu, you had no pressure to perform. No audience to impress; no scores to obtain. You were skating for _you_ , and you did so with such grace and beauty that it inspired me. I had to know why you didn’t make it to the final. Now, I do.” He reached up and placed a kiss on Yuri’s forehead. “It’s not your talent, it’s your mind. When you think positively—or not at all—you perform at your best.”

“It helps that I have you as a coach,” Yuri muttered.

Victor chuckled. “Yes, I suppose that does help,” he agreed. “But I am not the one skating out there, you are. You came second in the Cup of China. I’m so proud of you for that, and I know you’re going to continue making me proud all the way to the Final.”

Yuri looked up at Victor to see him smiling. “You really think that?” he asked.

Victor nodded. “Of course I do.”

A small smile crept onto Yuri’s face. “Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me to hear you say that.”

Victor smiled too. Placing two fingers beneath Yuri’s chin, he tilted his face up and tenderly pressed their lips together. “I think I have some idea,” he said with a smirk, noting the heat flushing across Yuri’s cheeks. “Now, you really should get back to bed. It’s very late, and we’re up early tomorrow.”

Yuri yawned, curling up against Victor’s chest. “Yes…I suppose you’re right.” In Victor’s warm embrace, the nervousness was sapped out of him, draining him of energy. His limbs were heavy, his eyes droopy, and his mind cloudy, no longer racing with negative thoughts. Now, it was too tired to think.

Victor slid out from behind him, took Yuri by the hand, and helped him climb into bed. Once Yuri was snuggled beneath the duvet, yawning again, Victor perched on the edge of the bed. He reached down and raked his fingers through Yuri’s hair, combing it back from his face. “Goodnight, Yuri,” he whispered. “You’ll do me proud tomorrow.”

“I’ll try,” Yuri mumbled back, struggling to keep his eyes open.

“You _will_.” Victor leaned down and pressed his lips to Yuri’s cheek. “Sleep well.”


End file.
